That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
