this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
