I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
