You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
