He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
