I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
