lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
