Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
