tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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