I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
