He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
