You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
