I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
