im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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