Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
