my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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