Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
