Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
