while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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