hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
