This is not my ceiling
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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