i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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