A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
