You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
