speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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