ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
