they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
well you can't waste a boner
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How's work?
Spinning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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