By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
