We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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