so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
