remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
