So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
