you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
