your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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