Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
