operation have a gay friend backfired
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
