So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
