what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
