1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
