I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
