You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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