She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
