if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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