i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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