My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
