you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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