video games are the ultimate cock blocker
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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