He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
