just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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