We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
